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Showing posts from October, 2016

Fall

Fall is not an ideal time. It is gray and with more rain comes the morose veil of clouds that usher in the impending quiet of winter. Down cast days to down cast eyes. The colors on the trees visibly play herald to the time of year, the bright reds and gold of the newly lain carpet which wraps the earth in its yearly brilliant burial shroud reminds us, the sharp hint of ripeness on the air, the cold and silence of the nights. They all obstinately lay claim to the undeniable truth, the summer is over, death is come. Alber Camus one said that: In a universe suddenly divested of illusions and lights, man feels an alien, a stranger. His exile is without remedy since he is deprived of the memory of a lost home or hope of a promised land. The divorce between man and life, the actor and his setting is properly a feeling of absurdity. Camus’ here speaks of the painful knowledge that comes upon a person when hope is gone, when a world, once explained seems explained away, th...

Love...

It was quiet, a gray scale painted the walls with the shadows of a dusky evening spent behind closed shades. Her hair sprawled out under her head. "What?" she asked. Her eyes smiled. She has freckles in this light...how come I've never realized that before?  I thought when I told a woman I loved her for the first time there would be fireworks and music and kisses in an amusement park. I'd pick her up as the orchestra swelled and I'd spin her around as the camera panned back.  Maybe, I'd yell it just before that door slammed or the top window shut. Maybe there'd be a thunderstorm. Maybe she'd say it back, maybe she wouldn't...but it would happen and we would all know....we would know the way middle schoolers know everything....that life was happening exactly how it was supposed to. We would be living this consummate moment where both the beginnings and endings of stories were simultaneously taking place. …We would be happy. ...

Nostalgia is not what it used to be...

I miss her today. I do not know that I want her back, but I miss her. I was searching my phone for media to delete last night and came across old pictures, only a few months back, but they seem like a lifetime ago. We are smiling. I am taking pictures of us, she trying to stop me. We are at a stop sign in this one, at a restaurant in this, sitting by a lake in that. She, the curve of a smile on her face trying hard not to laugh, trying to push the camera away; I the obnoxious open mouthed smile of faux excitement. …But we seem happy…   That probably sounds annoying…maybe it was, but I suppose that is one of the things that allows you to love a person, the freedom to be so un-adult, so childish, so willing to just be spontaneous that all the social faux pas kind of - melt off, they simply fall away like the foliage of a tree in fall, the coverings we’ve had for so long no longer needed, you can be seen for what you are. Yet... It is so odd how you can want someone, and...