Nostalgia is not what it used to be...

I miss her today. I do not know that I want her back, but I miss her. I was searching my phone for media to delete last night and came across old pictures, only a few months back, but they seem like a lifetime ago. We are smiling. I am taking pictures of us, she trying to stop me. We are at a stop sign in this one, at a restaurant in this, sitting by a lake in that. She, the curve of a smile on her face trying hard not to laugh, trying to push the camera away; I the obnoxious open mouthed smile of faux excitement. …But we seem happy…

That probably sounds annoying…maybe it was, but I suppose that is one of the things that allows you to love a person, the freedom to be so un-adult, so childish, so willing to just be spontaneous that all the social faux pas kind of - melt off, they simply fall away like the foliage of a tree in fall, the coverings we’ve had for so long no longer needed, you can be seen for what you are.

Yet... It is so odd how you can want someone, and not want all of them. You can live those moments, and yet still hold parts of you back…. you can only want the snap shots because they don't cost you anything. You only want the moments because you know life isn’t like photos. Life is scarier than photos, everyone is not always smiling. If you were back in those pictures you would remember there were things, unseen things, fears, trepidations, the things that make us want to cover up again. But....the pictures were nice…. nostalgia is not what it used to be.

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