Forming Community and dating...I don't know how to do this.

I don't know how to do this. I always thought forming community was easy, it was just a matter of being proactive; going to enough church potlucks and bringing brownies to your small group. It was about being present and playing sports and getting in there. I suppose that is all sort of true but it's not the easy thing I thought it would be. After having recently moved west to the California coast I've had to test my theories.

When you're 29 there are no organized playground games. There is no four square. You cannot just go out to recess and make friends while playing tether-ball. There are no “welcome to adulthood” orientations where men and women a few years older take you across campus to show you the ropes. There is no seminar on instigating meaningful friendships within a group that already exists without seeming needy or insecure. There is especially no senior center where on Friday nights all the people your age go to play bingo and drink prune juice. It's a swamp of a life. The muck sucks up around your ankles even though to step on the moss. You're trying to move quickly and make the progress you feel you ought but you're afraid you'll lose your shoe if you step to quick.

We move to the job, the girl, the guy, the cause, the resource. We go because we can. Some of us let our bellies and beards catch up with our early male pattern baldness making the process of adulthood seem more complete. Our child's perspective of adulthood becoming more realized each day in the mirror. Like a painter switching to a roller after growing tired of painting a mural life seems to get slapped up quick, all things the color of the need of the day. People this age can have kids, wrinkles, careers, a second job to accompany their second chin. They can also be broke living at home playing black-ops and Call of Duty on their mom's floral pattern couch in the basement. Or still again, trying to play the player. Still hitting the gym as many times as possible - more in love with their own muscles then with the playful coeds at their night class they plan on impressing.

I think I thought moving to a new community would be easy...like God would throw the pieces on the board like Chess and he would move me and my community around until we found each other....He did kind of.

I mean, I find myself still looking though as if he's brought me half way, as if he placed the pieces on the board and did a few moves but is now asking me where I want to move. I'm sitting there looking at him wanting for him to stop playing around and move again so I can be like “Ya, ya! Nice one! Love it, keep it up!” But now he's just staring at me like he's just given me a command I should understand. He's got that kind of half-amused smile you give a dog when you're trying to train him to do something and the dog looks back at you with that look, you know the one. It's the one where the head is slightly turned to the side waiting in obedience but also looking a bit puzzled as if to say back.. “You know I don't speak English...why do you do that? You talk to me like I should understand...Well I'm just going to try staring back at you...or try barking...Ya, maybe barking!”

I barked at God, but he didn't move. I liked it when he moved the pieces. The game is more fun when I think he's in charge and I'm winning on his merit. Can't I just sit this one out?

And as for the other pieces, the ones I want him to move now, can't he do those too? Can't he take control there?

...Like dating.

That's one especially I want to slap down some pieces. I'm like “God lets do this!” and I pick up a bishop. I want to make it happen and he's like “No...no, no, no!” and grabs my hand still holding the piece still in mid-air. I'm about to smack the piece down on a dating site and he say's “No, you don't want to move there!” And he looks at me and I look back...and I know he's right, but I'm agitated. I'm annoyed and I'm tired, I just want it to be simple. I don't want to play anymore. God should definitely just align the pieces and fix my problems...right? He has no good reason that I know of and so therefore..he might as well do it.

Ok, I know that's crap...I am assuming I have it more figured out than Him...but still it sucks.

...But I suppose this is what they call faith. Letting God do as He does and only letting yourself do that which He wills. I suppose it's believing He controls the pieces but when he says move, it is his best for you, and in fact His best for all. May we pray the chess pieces align, as much as can be so before eternity.    

-J.H.S