Trotsky

I watched a goofy movie tonight. It was called “I am Trotsky.” It's about a high school kid that believes he is the incarnation of Leon Trotsky and lives his life trying to re-create a social revolution comparable to his previous life. He has it all planned out on note cards in his room at home.

In the last scene he is walking off with a guy named Vladimir whom he is convinced is the incarnation of Vladimir Lenin. Together, he believes they will change the world. It was kind of inspiring in a comdeic, far-fetched, nerdy sort of way. He left the story with purpose, a plan, passion, relationships (both romantic and platonic), that were centered around a hopeful cause. The cause was counter cultural and different enough to draw life into hearts long bereft of a reason to live outside of themselves.

I've been listening to an audiobook again by an author named Donald Miller. He talks a lot about life as story and how life matters, or more pointedly, what we do with life matters. All this of course has me thinking about my own life again.

I don't know that I'll go join the communist party tomorrow, but it did remind me again of the type or story I am trying to live vs the one I actually am on a daily basis. It is not a bad life I don't think. I am comfortable and provided for. I like my job and am not completely without dreams or hopes, but the problem I seem to come up against, and the one that Leon Trotsky did not is that my dreams cost me very little. I am rarely forced to risk anything and especially risk anything for others, rarely to give out of my poverty instead of my wealth. What I mean is rarely is my sense of security traded in for a story that involves me giving of myself for that which is greater than me.

Well, if I could do anything, what would I do? I'd probably be a professional travel writer that writes about all the beautiful places he is sent to play and learn and relax and serve....but...in the mean time...I've been talking to some friends of mine lately about, in a year or two, getting a house in the cities, a communal house focused on production of the arts. This would include, writing, music, graphic art, photography, etc. I'm not sure what we would do with those arts, if it would be more a teaching, learning, sharing, place, more service based or just a really good place to form community. The idea is really just step one anyway. I'm still very much in the dreaming stage here.

I think what I think is important about the idea is that the arts are things that I love and I think reflections of God that we see in this world. Worship, it seems to me, is just reflecting the images that make our heart come alive, the oneness of God, his perfection and presence in our world, back to Him. And I think sharing those images and responses to God's presence is important.

The thing about this risk, and in this case of the arts, there is little pay back. There is no assurance of profits and in the house we will all probably have to have other jobs...fund raising jobs...if you will, to support our art habits. No, I know I am not giving all my wealth to the poor in my community, and I think we are all called to give to the poor, but what I am trying to say is that a story like this may still be risk if we are letting go of control of our lives a bit and letting God lead us into a better story. In this case it would be taking what God has given me, the things I love, security and money, and laying them upon the alter of his provision. I want to be smart, I want to have a savings, I want to invest for the future, but I also want to trust God to provide that which must be provided while living a life that reflects God's goodness to the world. I am doing that now, sometimes, but I want to do it more.

I will not know exactly what that looks like...maybe for a long time, but I think having the idea stirring in the back of our brains is important, to be reminded we were meant for better things, to live amazing stories, and that living a life that is not me-centered is always better than when our own security, is our only security.

Thanks for reading,

-JS