Sorry this one is a little late getting out. I've had a lot going on lately. Enjoy.
My church community group talked about service the other night, how we can serve and love people better. It was healthy, but I've been thinking a lot about the serving thing lately. I want my life to have meaning and to serve others but I want to do it for joy and not for duty. However, when I think about what I love the list is very me focused usually. I love a good brew, fresh pipe tobacco, a healthy work out, and good body image. I like being full and rested and clean. I love speaking about God, encountering God, and I love seeing others do the same. None of these are bad things, but most are things that cost me very little and offer even less to others.
The other day I walked over a bridge that had “Turn off your brain and float down the river” chalked into the sidewalk. I don't generally listen to chalk signs but I just let my mind take in the sun and the sound of birds and the beauty of the trees all at once, nothing in particular stuck out, I just allowed myself to be there without analyzing it. It was amazing what I was missing while consumed with my worries of the day. I forget to do this sometimes...to just exist and enjoy the world and beauty around me. I stopped thinking about myself or a few minutes and I discovered nature. What would happen if I actually started thinking regularly about the rest of the world?
When you think the world is about you it is easy to forget about the rest of the world. Sometimes my life can feel like I've got my head under a blanket. I just keep breathing the same recycled thoughts and activities - routine upon routine. It's like staring at the sky from my back floating aimlessly in a sea without borders, the waves sloshing over my ears momentarily dulling my hearing, the same feeling of the ocean spray of my face, the same blue partially clouded sky always flowing over my eyes...just staying afloat can take all your energy.
In Viktor Frankl's book “Man's Search for Meaning” he quotes Friedrich Nietzsche as saying “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” And I've been wondering about that How lately. I feel like I have my Why and it is making it possible to bear the How. But the How can seem rather long and tedious; I wonder if this is because we are not “Howing” right very often.
Last week I worked in Phoenix. My hotel was on the 18th floor of the Hyatt Regency downtown. Fresh linens, all the usual American amenities, 40 inch TV, fresh towels, clean water, electricity. The throw pillows, art on the walls, padded headboard, I-pod dock, and a full wall window overlooking the city center were nice added touches. The room cost $293 dollars per night including tax. I was given a $55 dollar per-deum and ate at restaurants I would usually consider special treats. The food was delicious and the experience was...accommodating....It was all about me...but there was a problem.
During the week I would dress in suits and eat this great food and work out in the gym before taking a dip in the hot tub and all the while be wondering, why can't I just let myself be there, settle in and feel comfortable?
An issue that added to this whole How and Why conflict was a linguistic pessimism gleaned from the work I was there to do. It killed me the way people would use language. I gave interviews throughout the week, each a bit different. Each candidate doing their best to impress the audience.
There were a few people who were impressive, but for most, their language took on the flowery form of rhetoric. It was difficult to hear candidates talking about how a book they read in high school was their favorite book. They threw around phrases like tolerance, acceptance, diversity, and social justice like they were doling out candy to children. Everyone kept telling me about how much they CARE about people and LOVE social Justice. No one seemed to exhume a real passion or seriousness about the issues. No one talked about sacrifice like Martin Luther King Jr. They smiled like they just got off the Social Justice Roller Coaster and wanted to tell me about how fun it was.
They all seemed to represent a holistic world view where no one is wrong and everyone is right, except for those whose beliefs might inhibit on the beliefs of others, then they are wrong....of course if you believe anyone else is wrong in any area...you are wrong in that area because...well...they are right...they are right just like you are right. It was the fluff of bad politics, no one stood for anything even remotely controversial.
Ok, ok I admit that is not completely fair and I have had to do the same thing. You are not quite sure who is interviewing you and you actually do care about good things. Our goal centers on the idea that we have to live together and in a vague sense, community, peace, and justice seems better than chaos and conflict and we should help each other do that.
Sometimes I wonder about our motives though. It seems like, for many people, the language used is just to fit in, it's sweet rhetoric dripped over indifferent faces....I wonder if sometimes our tolerance feeds our indifference. We are so accepting of every practice we forget that some are unhealthy. We are globalized through TV, through the internet, music for every taste and porn for every fetish but not food for every belly.
It's a two edged sword. So much good on one half, backed by an equally dramatic blade that lets us be reminded that if we don't call out anyone on their stuff...no one can call us out on our own. It gives us enough comfort to let us sleep at night but not enough to cause us to wake up to the reality around us.
I know I am as guilty as most. One more meal out to eat, one more DVD. Even every act of charity can be tainted by this, a few dollars to soothe our conscience without ever feeling any financial burden. I suppose what I am asking is, if we never risk for another are we actually giving, or is this just one more self-serving action? Are we just purchasing piece of mind? I am asking how should my How reflect my Why?
I don't really want to be successful at something that doesn't matter...and that is what most of what we do feels like...putting together a “what” and “how” and covering it with syrupy “why” language to make it seem meaningful. I love Jesus. He's pretty much the man but I also know I use language and actions sometimes that forgoes sacrifice and action and satisfies the self firstly. I don't need to think “turn off my brain” all the time, but I wonder if living a little more out of conviction and less out of myself wouldn't do me good. I do want to know that my life has risk and that I am risking for something more than my own comfort. I want to know that my “Why” is more than a conduit for self-service.
Thanks for Reading.
-JS
THanks for sharing
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